Forgotten

So, like many before me, when I'm avoiding coming to terms with something unpleasant I immerse myself in something else to avoid it. Right now it's babysitting and being with friends. But, then I get these little reminders of that thing I'm avoid and it's like a brick is thrown onto my lungs and I start to panic because as it turns out, avoid a problem doesn't make it go away.

But, I've failed to acknowledge God in all of this. He has a plan and there's something to learn from the situation I'm avoiding. I'm hurt. God wants me to find comfort in him and grow in him. How could I have forgotten that? The idea of my heart falling more in love with him while healing from being broken excited me and I don't want to forget that possibility again.

The New "You Belong With Me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxr5Pmip4OQ

You. Are. So. INFURIATING.

I spilled my personal thoughts to you.

Please say something.

Anything.

I can change, I promise.

Everything is dark and invisible except for the few lucky objects illuminated by the filtering pale moonlight. Headlights creep over a hill momentarily washing everything in a sterile white. Inside the car is a rolling ocean of
thoughts,
worries,
dreams.

The writer boy.
The one who's incredibly handsome, romantic, poetic, oblivious...

and unavailable.

Realization painfully strikes like a bolt of lightning and thunderheads of shame, inadequacy,
annoyance,
and heartache appear out of nowhere.
tears slowly seep down like small raindrops and increase in speed and size until they're a torrential downpour and deep sobs rumble deep within a throbbing heart.

The storm at that moment seems so immense that there is no end to be found.

But, slowly, oh so agonizingly slowly the ocean calms once more.
But the ocean is changed though.
Never to be the same.
Time has not found it well
and before you know it another storm appears foreboding in the distance.
Ready to strike at any time.

Outside the ocean the black fades to red and a new beginning emerges.

crash and burn

Oh, did you hear that sound? Yeah, that was my self-control utterly failing again. The weird part though was when I finally gave in to my crush the very same instant he was off limits. Very funny God... So I'm going through this dilemma. For the first time I really enjoy talking to a friend and I don't ever want to stop. We have great give and take and it's enjoyable. Although I have developed feelings for this person, I'm conflicted about how much I can enjoy being in his company just as friends. I feel like I should be able to spend hours talking and laughing with someone who's just a friend and not only with someone you're romantic with. But, the amount of flirting that takes place is humongous and if he's taken that's not ok. As a girl I would not want the person I was dating to be that flirty with another girl and therefore I think whatever kind of friendship or what not we had going has come to it's untimely end. Now I'm just trying to get past it. It shocks me how much it hurts to realize that. Stupid heart with your stupid girly emotions.

On another note, I'm officially home and I'm already ready to go back *sigh* I hope the entire summer isn't this bleak. :/

"We're afraid to care too much for fear that the other person does not care at all."